Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
