your parents love me but you hate me
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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