He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
two words: eviction party
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
