I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
