I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
