So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
