I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
