at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
