I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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