the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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