I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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