at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Say something about gay babies.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
