dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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