Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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