someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
