i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
