There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
