best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
