If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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