STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
