you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she woke up with a sticky ear
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
