I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
