I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
