are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
