Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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