he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
His nipple licking is glorious
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