I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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