My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
