U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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