Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
