No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
