I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
