good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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