She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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