Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
