i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
