There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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