I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
