He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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