Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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