So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
