Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
