Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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