Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
