you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
