I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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