omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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