the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
