Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
