You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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