D3 body, D1 cock
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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