I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
