Can i not drive my cunt home
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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