I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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