My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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