Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need a beard to bite.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
