No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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