Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
